Not My Sunshine Today
by Lacrimula Falsa
Summary: Sif gets a call, while at work, at the worst possible moment. Loki's sleeping on the sofa for this. [Written for Ladies Of Marvel Bingo 2019 and Marvel Spookytober Prompts 2019. Sif/Lady Loki, AU, complete.]


**Not My Sunshine Today  
**_by Lacrimula Falsa_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, nor any other Marvel franchise. This is a non-profit work produced solely for entertainment purposes.

_A/N:_ **EDIT 2019-10-02:** This fic was originally called "Telephone". Thank you, Ao3 user **summerof16**, for inspiring the new title.

I couldn't for the life of me think of a good title. If you can come up with a better one, I'll gladly change it.

This work was created for Ladies Of Marvel Bingo 2019, filling the square N4 on my card. It's also my entry for Day 1 of Marvel Spookytober Prompts 2019.  
A link to my card can be found in the endnotes.

**Title:** Not My Sunshine Today  
Content Creator(s): Lacrimula Falsa  
LOMB Square Filled: N4 - "Don't call this number again."  
Spookytober Prompt: Day 1 - "I'm not scared."  
Rating: T  
Pairing(s): Sif/Lady Loki

**Warning(s)/Trigger(s):** homophobia from a side character

Link: on Ao3 - archiveofourown DOT org SLASH works SLASH 20851508

* * *

"Okay. We go in, we kill the monster, we leave. No detours for anything shiny. Everyone who's scared is a burden and can stay here."

Grey snorted.

"Hah. I'm not scared. I've fought Gobblers before. Piece of cake."

Sif suppressed a sigh. Machos like Grey were the bane of her working hours. At least off the job, she could punch them.

Amora was clearly just as unimpressed by Grey's boasting.

"Yes yes you're the best hunter in Gladstone, we've heard. Now, are you able to shut your trap long enough for us to sneak into the Gobbler den or do we have to gag you?"

"I'll shut your trap, you uptight b-"

Carlsen put his revolver under Grey's chin.

"Shut up and sneak or you aren't getting paid."

Luckily that shut Grey up.

Sif switched her torch on, raised her gun and made the first step into the cave mouth.

* * *

The gobbler was huge. It's grey-green body nearly touched the ceiling of the cave and one of its limbs even reached all the way into an adjacent cavern, likely to draw water from somewhere.

Sif cursed herself for leaving the shotgun behind. This was going to be an ordeal.

She raised her arm to signal the others.

_**You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.  
You make me happy when skies are grey...**_

Sif nearly dropped her gun, cursed, fumbled for her phone and finally managed to shut off the blasted ringtone.

She glanced at the screen. _Loki_. Of course.

Amora hit her in the shoulder and hissed at her.

"What the fuck, Sif!? What kind of fucking professional-"

The rest of Amora's admonishment was drowned out by the roar of the gobbler, which was now wide awake.

_And in front of fucking _Grey_._

This day was going just great.

Cursing a blue streak, Sif rolled to dodge a gobbler limb while firing at one of the eyes. She missed, and the gobbler shut it.

_This fucking job._

* * *

By some miracle, they killed the gobbler without anyone losing a limb. Sif was going to have to buy Amora a new machete though.

"'_I'm not scared_.' my arse." Amora aggressively wiped at a bloodstain on her blouse. "That macho waste of space nearly got us all killed."

Sif dragged a hand through her hair. Gobbler saliva. Yuck.

"No, that was my stupid phone."

"It was both, but I can't kick your phone in the nuts."

_**You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.  
You make me happy when skies are grey...**_

Sif and Amora stared at each other for about three seconds before Amora started laughing. Sif hit her on the arm with one hand while taking the call with the other.

"Asplund."

"Did you kill it?"

"Loki I swear- _Never _call this number again. This is my work phone, we've been over this."

Sif could all but _hear_ Loki roll her eyes.

"You never answer your other phone."

"For good reason! I was sneaking into a gobbler den!"

There was a pause. Then Loki started laughing.

"You forgot to put your phone on silent, didn't you."

Sif hung up. Loki was sleeping on the sofa for this.

"Was that whoever called you and nearly turned us into gobbler feed? Calls from your boy toy are that important?"

Sif glowered at Grey.

"That was my wife and unless you learn to shoot anything but your own legs you should shut up."

Grey opened his mouth for a retort but Carlsen talked over him.

"She's right, Grey."

"What, the pussy-licker nearly gets as all killed but I'm supposed to- ARGH!"

Carlsen took his hand out of Grey's wound.

"My apologies, Mrs Asplund, he's clearly delusional from the pain."

Sif shrugged.

"You pay me in full despite my fuckup and I'll forget all about it."

Carlsen smiled.

"I like your style. You're getting seventy-five per cent."

Well. That was fair.

"Great. That should be enough to buy me a new machete. I'll even let you try it on Loki for calling your work phone again."

And of course, Amora had to have the last word.

Business as usual.

* * *

_A/N: _I'm not super satisfied with the ending but eh. Comments are better than sweets.

I'll link to my card here once I've hosted it somewhere.

Ladies Of Marvel Bingo: ladiesofmarvelbingo DOT tumblr DOT com

Marvel Spookytober Prompts: marvelspookytoberprompts DOT tumblr DOT com


End file.
